STEP 1: LOVE
Loving others with whom we have conflicts is not easy. But if a work of restoration is to be achieved, we must take the initiative in love. Since this step is so important, it is necessary to be sure we understand what it means. First we will look at what love is not.
Love is not merely feelings. In a broken relationship, positive emotions are often replaced by negative ones. In fact, as far as feelings are concerned, it may be quite some time before we have that sense of warmhearted acceptance between us and the other party.
Love is not phony. Forced smiles or any other false expressions of kindness are both superficial and artificial. They lack the genuine and lasting quality necessary to correct the problems in a broken relationship. Pretending to love others will not do. It has to be real. The apostle Paul wrote, “Let love be without hypocrisy” (Romans 12:9).
Love is not man-made. It isn't of human origin or something we manufacture ourselves. God's kind of love is out of our league. Since we can't produce it, someone else has to. That person is the Holy Spirit, who lives in all Christians (1 Corinthians 6:19). Under His guidance, we can truly love those whose acceptance we seek to regain (Galatians5:22).
Love is not retaliatory. When mistreated by others, we must decide to do what is right. Jesus said, “... do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you” (Luke 6:27, 28). He was saying that we are to let kindness be our response to hate. We should speak well of those who speak ill of us. Prayerful concern should be shown for those who treat us in degrading ways. In short, we choose to do what's right toward others, regardless of their response.
Now that we have looked at what love is not, let's take a positive approach.
Love overrules personal feelings. This concept is not easy to put into practice. It means taking a stand against ourselves. While committed to right actions toward others, we must refrain from expressing our negative emotions. In reality, our bad feelings are suppressed for the good of others. Yet it is a part of that self-denial to which Christ calls us (Matthew 16:24). Responding the right way to others in spite of our feelings is an all-important step-In repairing relationships.
Love looks in the mirror. Perhaps the most difficult aspect of loving others is to examine our own attitudes. But that should be our primary task. Before we try to straighten out the other person, we had better make sure our heart is right. Jesus said, Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:5). It's hard and often painful, but it can be done.
Once again, we are dependent on the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives. His ministry is to give us renewed hearts and minds (Romans 12:2). With His assistance we can replace anger, bitterness, and malice with kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness (Ephesians 4:31,32).
Love makes the first move. Our natural inclination is to avoid those with whom we have relational strife. However, if we are going to remedy the situation, we must be willing to initiate the process. Loving them first means just that. It is the willingness to take the first step, to go to them and begin to work things out (Matthew5:23, 24; 18:15). Yes, broken relationships can be repaired when we initiate the process in love.
Thinking It Over. Has anyone hurt you recently? Have you decided to put aside your feelings and do what is right? Have you asked God to help you to love that person rather than ignore him or retaliate? If you make the first move after seeking God's help, does that guarantee that the other person will accept your love? How long should love continue to reach out for reconciliation?
Citations: Radio Bible Class (RBC)
Enoch Okon
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Part 1,Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5
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